writing

Exit 252. Traumatized.

[EDIT from spring 2020: This blog is pretty much inactive indefinitely at this point.  The last post below was written in September 2019.  Someone today posted a link to this site on a post intended to get people to check out new blogs.  So if you are reading this for the first time and are looking for a new blog to follow, you might want to check out my other blog instead, which I’m still updating although I just finished a month long hiatus.  Also, as of now there haven’t been any other major problems with the house, and the trip to New Mexico in October was wonderful.]

I haven’t been posting very regularly on this blog, and I don’t know if I ever will be again.  I could blame it on the other blog taking up more of my writing time, but now I’m not posting very regularly there either.

I feel like the events of 2019 have completely traumatized me.  I have had so many things at my house fall apart.  I have spent so much money on repairs and improvements, and many of those either didn’t do anything or just made things worse.  Any time I hear heavy wind, or water running, or even think about rain, I’m terrified that the house is going to fall apart even more.  Sometimes, when I leave the house, or when I go to bed, I double- and triple-check to make sure I didn’t leave any water running, and that the oven and stove are turned off, and lots of stuff like that.  I was almost late to work this last Friday because I kept running back inside double-checking things.

And now I got screwed out of $2600 by a company that didn’t tell me that the product they installed on my house was not completely compatible with the way my house is built.  The first time they attempted to install it, they caused more damage.  They eventually came back to fix that, but they didn’t fix all the damage they caused, and it took them about a month.  I was looking more closely at their work recently, particularly after another home repair professional pointed out that their product might cause more damage in the future.  I took a picture of their project not working as intended, sent it to my contact person with that company, and he basically said he had done enough and didn’t want to talk to me anymore, and that poor construction isn’t his fault.  So now I either cut my losses and consider the $2600 a bad investment, or I take them to court and give myself an even bigger hassle.

So, yeah, I’m a little stressed now.  I have work on top of all this.  And I’m going to be in New Mexico for five days in October, which will be awesome unless something happens to my house while I’m gone.

But I don’t want to sound like I’m complaining, because there are some good things happening too.  And I know that I should be trusting God to take care of me, but on the other hand I still have responsibilities that I need to deal with.

So I’m just going to write in both blogs when I feel like it.  Hopefully you guys will stick with me.  Happy last weekend of summer.

Exit 241. Five years.

So I’ve been trying to think about something to write about all weekend.  I kind of had an idea earlier today.  But then I remembered that this week marks five years since I started this blog.

Well, not exactly.  Last week was the actual anniversary, but I had something more important I chose to write about last week.  Still, five years.

Looking back, I had one post before I started my actual posts.  When I started numbering the posts, I didn’t include that first one, because it didn’t really say anything.  I was just kind of writing out my thoughts about starting a blog.  And one thing stands out, now that I look back on that post from five years ago: “I don’t know if anyone other than my friends will ever find this page, but who knows?”

I have to admit, when I wrote that, I had fleeting thoughts of Highway Pi getting this huge viral following, getting me millions of followers and so many clicks that I could quit my day job.  Yeah… didn’t happen.  And I’m not surprised.

But what does stand out is that while I haven’t gotten millions of followers, some people other than my friends have in fact found this page.  I’ve made friends just through here (although I haven’t met any of them in person), from looking at people who comment on my posts and then reading their blogs.  I have read about organizing your life; people’s experiences with introversion, autism, eating disorders, anxiety, and various medical conditions; some interesting posts about Christianity; poetry and short stories; just life in general; and many other subjects and cultures from around the world that I wouldn’t know as much about otherwise.  And I have also started a second blog, episodic fiction which has led to a great deal of introspection about a significant time in my life.  And most importantly, I’m not stressing as much over either blog about having to write something every week.

Thank you all for a very memorable five years.  It’s been nice meeting and getting to know all of you… and to those of you whom I already knew, thank you for your comments and helpful words.  I plan on keeping this going as long as I can.

Exit 230. I don’t have time.

I don’t have time.

I always have all these great creative ideas, and I don’t have time to work on all of them.

I wrote a novel off and on from 2014-18, more off than on, and it still feels like it isn’t quite finished, like there’s one part that needs to be rewritten.  I started a second blog recently.  I have another fictional universe I’ve done things with in various forms for over a quarter-century.  And I feel like I can’t really commit to any of them.

But that’s okay.  All of these projects are just for fun, and I shouldn’t stress about them.  I’m not trying to make a living out of any of these creative projects.  I have a real job that takes a lot of my time.  But this is also the kind of real job that periodically gives me time off when I can concentrate on things like this.

So I’m just not going to worry about it.  I’ll write what I can, when I can.  Even if no one reads it.  Because maybe when I’m an old man, I’ll look at some of my old writing that I haven’t read in decades, and I’ll get a good laugh out of it.  (That actually happened recently with some poems I wrote in my late teens that have followed me from hard drive to hard drive on five different computers.)

And if any of you don’t know about my other projects and are curious, let me know.  I’ll either share it, or maybe I’ll kindly thank you and explain why I’m not comfortable sharing everything with everyone.

Exit 218. Everything will be all right.

I’m ok.

Everything is going to be all right.

Sometimes it feels like the world is falling apart, like everything is hopeless.  But it’ll be all right.

Things might not turn out the way I would want.  Things might end up completely different.  I might have to make some major changes.  I might have major changes forced on me.  I might stay here for the rest of my life, or I might have to flee with nothing but the clothes on my back.

But everything will be all right.

And I’m fine.  I just needed to remind myself of that.

Exit 100. I’ve stayed true to that mission.

This is my 100th post.

Well, technically it’s my 101st, because the first post I wrote here said something like “Hi, I’m starting this blog, but I don’t know what I want to do with it yet.”  A few posts later, when I started numbering them, I didn’t include that first one.

This blog is a weekly, and since there are approximately 52 weeks in a year, that means I’ve been doing this for almost two years.  Hard to believe it’s been that long.  Time seems to keep going faster and faster as I get older, and my upcoming 40th birthday this summer serves as a reminder of that.

In the aforementioned first post, I said that I didn’t have big expectations for this blog, I didn’t have a specific topic for it, and that I’m just going to be me and share my thoughts in a public place.  In two years, I would say I’ve definitely stayed true to that mission, if you can call it a mission.  I still don’t have a specific topic, and I’m still just me, sharing my thoughts.  When I started this, I didn’t know if I would build an audience beyond people who already know me.  I haven’t exactly made an effort to.  But I occasionally get likes and comments from people I don’t know, and I’ve followed and interacted with a few of them in return.  That has been a very positive experience.

As I’ve said before, blogging is a big business for some people, and I haven’t really made an effort to turn Highway Pi into a business.  But that’s okay.  I’m not trying to.  I’m doing exactly what I wanted to with this blog, and I will continue to do so indefinitely.

Thank you all for reading.  Happy Easter/Resurrection to those of you who celebrate.  He is risen.