One of my friends, someone I’ve known online for a very long time but have never met in person and don’t talk to often regarding the little details of our lives, recently posted a clickbait-type article that had a list of strange reasons why couples broke up. Among them were such petty grievances as someone who said “my bag” instead of “my bad” and someone who ate chicken drumsticks with a fork.
My first instinct was to make this about me. I replied, what about these? Are these good reasons to break up? I told her about Acrux, moving far away without including me in the decision, and then putting little effort into the relationship once we were a long distance couple. I told her about SN1604, repeatedly flaking on me, rescheduling on me, and standing me up, telling me after a month of this that it just wasn’t a good time for her to be in a relationship with anyone because of everything going on in her life, and then meeting someone else a few weeks later. My friend told me that it sounds like I’m still hurting from these experiences, and that my worth doesn’t come from how others treat me.
These are things I’m still working on, both with my therapist and in my prayer times. But my friend is right; I am still hurting. It’s been too long to keep carrying this baggage around; the two stories I told happened in 2011 and 2015, respectively.
I replied that this gave me an interesting shift of perspective. I wish that I could meet some of the people who wrote these breakup reasons. I wish that I could tell them how happy I would be to have someone special who loved me for who I was, who didn’t make everything in the relationship all about her and who valued my opinions, even if she did eat chicken drumsticks with a fork. I wish that I could tell them how much I long for someone who says she wants to be with me and actually follows through on her words, someone who is honest and does not hide things from me, even if she thinks the expression is “my bag.” I struggle to meet anyone, and these people are treating their significant others as disposable just because of some little thing that really is not all that important in the long run.
I hope all of those people grow up and learn to accept their significant others’ imperfections, and I hope they learn to stop discarding people for petty reasons.