Church isn’t supposed to be this stressful and upsetting.
I’ve been hopping around between at least three different churches the last few months, and I don’t know if I’m going to stay at any of them long term. The church I’ve been going to the last two years (which I’m counting as one of these three) just doesn’t feel like it’s for me anymore. They have a new pastor, and I think he has some great ideas for how to bring Jesus to the trendy urban neighborhood surrounding the church. The problem is, I’m not in the trendy urban neighborhood surrounding the church. I’m 12 miles away in the suburbs. I have a very different lifestyle and very different views than most of the people there, and this has manifested itself in ways that have been making me feel uncomfortable lately. The other two I’ve been going to are very different from each other, and I don’t know if I’m going to stick with each one.
It’s not supposed to be like this. Singing the praises of God, having fellowship with my brothers and sisters in the faith, learning from the Bible, all of those important things shouldn’t be overshadowed by my frustrations with the culture of Christianity in the USA and my difficulty finding a place in it. But it’s hard when I don’t feel like I belong anywhere, and it’s also hard when people from churches I haven’t been to in a while ask where I’ve been. Most of the people I know at these churches know what’s going on, but that doesn’t make it easy.
But I’m doing the best I can. I’m not going to leave my faith behind. That’s not who I am, and that’s not what faith is.
If you live near me, just be aware that you might see me at your church sometime, even if I don’t normally go there. And I might disappear for a few weeks. And I might show up again sometime. That’s just how things might be for a while. But that’s ok.
I need to go spend some time in prayer tonight before I fall asleep.