A creek runs bout half a mile from my house. Yesterday morning, I was driving past an open field next to the creek, and I saw a herd of goats grazing. This was actually normal to me. I read an article recently that a number of local cities were using goats to clean up weeds in public areas, and that they were coming to my city shortly. And this was the second time I had seen them nearby recently.
Had this happened a year ago, I would have taken a picture. Then I would have sent it to a certain friend of mine, someone I met online over a decade ago but never met in person. I would have said something like, “Look! Goats!” And she would have replied something like “Omg! So cute! I want one!” Because she loves goats.
But I didn’t. Because we aren’t friends anymore.
Several months ago, I sent her something else goat-related. I noticed that her Facebook seemed to be deactivated, but I thought nothing of it. It’s Facebook, it’s glitchy sometimes. It still let me send her messages, though. She replied, saying that she had unfriended me recently. She felt like “our friendship had run its course,” and she was tired of me being down and depressed and negative all the time, and supposedly only wanting to talk to her when I’m complaining about something.
Well, then… I guess I have nothing to say to that. I didn’t try to contact her again.
I feel bad that she thinks I only want to talk to her when I’m complaining. I don’t see it that way, but I guess that’s not always the kind of thing you can see in yourself. Or maybe it’s that the last few years have been kind of hard for me, and I’ve had a lot to complain about. But still, I don’t want to burden my friends. Sometimes I just need someone to talk to. And I appreciate the friends who are willing to listen when I need someone to talk to. I’ve been told before that people don’t want to listen to me when I’m being negative, and I hope I don’t turn too many people away from me because of that.
And I’ve said this before… I have a hard time with the concept that friendships run their course. There’s the saying about how friends come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime, but there is a part of me that wants everyone I meet to be a lifelong friend. But that’s just not possible. I can’t realistically be friends with everyone. Some people I’m just going to grow apart from, and it’s not healthy for me to expend emotional energy trying to hold on to friendships when the other person doesn’t want me around. So if she doesn’t want to be friends with me anymore, I’m going to have to let her go.
Sometimes I unfollow people on social media if I’ve grown apart from them in real life. I hate to do it, but I can’t keep up with everyone. Sometimes clearing away dead underbrush is healthy.
Just like when goats eat dead grass next to a creek bed.