It’s Sunday night. I’m pretty sure that in approximately 121 weeks of doing this blog, I have never posted on a Sunday night before. Sometimes I’m on the ball and I get my post done on Saturday; often I post Sunday afternoon or early evening; and occasionally I don’t get it done until Monday or Tuesday. But I’m pretty sure that I have never posted later than 7:30 on a Sunday night.
There is a reason for this. I have a weekly social dancing event that I have participated in every Sunday night since mid-2009, and since around 2011 I have volunteered there as well. Honestly, though, I haven’t been there every Sunday night; once every couple months I ask to take the night off from volunteering because I’m out of town visiting family, or I’m at the Kings game, or I’m on my way back from a Giants game in San Francisco, or a friend who I really want to see planned a birthday party on Sunday night. So I’m always doing something other than writing this late on a Sunday.
But tonight, I am staying home for no good reason.
I have nothing else going on tonight. It feels like it would be a good week for me not to miss. Last night, I was at a going away party for someone I know from this event; very few of her dancing friends showed up, so there was very little dancing at this party. She is a wonderful dancer, and had I shown up tonight, I might have gotten one last dance with her before she moves back to her home, across a large ocean from here. Also, someone I danced with there about a month ago and have stayed in touch with on Facebook is there right now. It would be good to see her again, and I feel bad that I’m not there.
Nevertheless, I am staying home tonight, for no good reason.
No, that’s not true.
The reason I am staying home is because I have to take care of myself. The last month has been an overwhelming whirlwind of stress and interaction. I have an unusually high concentration of close friends, including myself, who have birthdays right at the same time I am starting the new school year at work. I tend to spend most of the weekdays in August running around and trying to prepare for and adjust to a new school year, and I spend most of the time on weekends, and a few weeknights sometimes, at birthday parties with friends. By the time the end of August comes along, my brain feels fried and my body feels exhausted.
I wrote a few weeks ago about how I need more alone time, and how I need to figure out if there is anything or anyone in my life that I need to cut out, because they do more harm than good. Since then, I have done exactly the opposite. It’s time to start. And staying home from dancing tonight is step 1. How long will this last? I don’t know. I might be back next week. I might be back in a few weeks. I might not be back for a long time. I might be avoiding other kinds of socialization for a while as well. I might have to say some painful goodbyes. But I can’t live the way I have been anymore.
Hopefully I can also be responsible enough to go to bed within an hour or so.