Exit 85. In a desert.

For the first time since I started this blog, over a year and a half ago, I didn’t write anything last week.  Actually… that’s not true.  I meant to say that I didn’t post anything.  I wrote a post for last week, but the reason I didn’t share it was kind of embarrassing.  I was about to post it, I added tags to the post, and one of the tags autocompleted, indicating that I had written about this same topic before.  So I looked up to see what I had written before… and less than two months ago, I had written pretty much exactly the same thing that I was going to post last week.  Oops.  That’s what I get for being so scatterbrained and not paying closer attention to this blog.

Then an entire week went by, and I still didn’t write anything.  It was a pretty brutal week at work.  Never again will I collect a big project two days before report cards are due.  You’d think I’d have learned that lesson long ago, but another teacher who teaches the same class I do wanted to do this project with her students, and it seemed like a good idea.  In hindsight, it was, but next year, assuming I’m teaching the same class and on the same pace, I’ll assign it about a week earlier.  The students will already know everything they need to know to complete it by then, and that will give me more time to grade them gradually before report cards are due.

I also didn’t write anything because I couldn’t think of anything else to write about.  My brain has been mush from everything going on at work, as well as lingering frustrations about life in general.  My writing has been in a desert.  And that is a feeling I know all too well from other areas of life.

Last week, I met with the pastor of one of the two churches I’ve been going to the last couple months.  As I believe I’ve mentioned before, I don’t want to rule anything out at this point, but in September I decided to look beyond the church I’ve been going to for the last 10 years.  I’m not on board with the direction the leaders want to take the church, and I feel like I don’t really fit in there anymore, because of the whole Christian bubble thing that I wrote about a month ago.  Anyway, this pastor knows a little bit about my struggle to find my place within the body of Christ, and at one point he was asking me more about where I am with God and such.  I told him that I feel like I’m in a spiritual desert right now.  I don’t really have a community of fellow believers with whom I can share my life.  Because of this, I find it more and more difficult to make time to do basic things like pray and read Scripture.

I’m not sure if there is a solution here, other than to just keep on going.  I just have to make sure that I don’t use this time of being in the desert to isolate myself spiritually.  So far, I haven’t been doing a good job of this.  But I’m just going to keep going through the motions, trying my best to reconnect with God and with others, and hoping that the desert will come to an end soon.  Because at least two of life’s other deserts seem to be coming to an end, at least temporarily.  Here in drought-stricken northern California, it’s supposed to rain off and on for the next several days.  And I thought of something else to write about.  So I’ll probably write another post in the next 48 hours to make up for the one I missed.

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