Hosting an event at my house is always tricky for an introvert like me.
I’m not 100% on the introvert side of the spectrum, that’s for sure. I enjoy having a bunch of friends over. I’m thankful that I have a house that I can share with my friends for events like this. And being that I am the only homeowner among my closest group of friends, I often volunteer my house to host friends’ birthday parties and the like. It’s the least I can do. However, because I am an introvert by nature, I can’t do this every day, or even every week. Once every month or two is enough for me.
As I’ve said before, every few months I invite people over to hang out and play retro video games from the 80s and 90s, while listening to 80s and 90s music. If this sounds like fun to you, and you live within day trip distance of Sacramento or plan to visit Sacramento at some point, let me know. We’ll talk. But anyway, I had 22 people over last night, plus me. While not quite a record, this was the largest crowd I’ve had in quite a while. And whenever the crowd gets big, I always feel like I’m spread thin. I can’t possibly spend significant time with all 22 people. I can’t participate in every game that gets played. And sometimes that makes me feel like a bad host.
I think my friends understand, though. I’m certainly not ignoring them on purpose. And I would understand if the tables were turned. I’ve been to big parties before in which I didn’t get to spend a lot of time with the host, because there were so many people there, and yet I’ve still had fun. And I’m sure my friends did too.
It’s been on my mind a lot lately that I don’t feel like I fit in with adults socially, and activities like this certainly contribute to that feeling. Video games are not a so-called adult activity. But I don’t see anything wrong with what I’m doing. I don’t play games often enough for it to take over my life, and most of my games go untouched in between these events.
Regarding not fitting in socially with adults, for example, I know a lot of adults whose entire social lives seem to revolve around drinking. I’m not being judgmental, and I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with a night at the bar, wine tasting, or a beer festival, as long as you’re doing everything in moderation and not making reckless decisions that will leave you dead, injured, or infected. If that’s what you like, go for it. But I really have no interest in that. Believe me, I’m not uncomfortable being around people who are drinking, so if you’re considering whether or not to invite me to your birthday party where most if not all of the guests will be drinking, please go ahead. I want to see you even if I’m not drinking myself. But I just don’t feel like I should be changing my interests and activities just to fit in. I’m willing to try new things, I’m willing to change to improve myself. But if you can’t relate to me because I don’t drink, then I just can’t make myself see that as my problem. (To clarify, I’ve never been told this to my face, but I kind of get the impression sometimes from some conversations I’ve had and the way some people act around me.) I hope no one sees me that way, because some people I know whose social lives revolve around drinking seem like pretty cool people in some ways, but maybe they aren’t so cool after all if they can’t include me. And I just have to understand that I can’t please everyone. Not everyone is going to be a lifelong friend, and that’s just a sad fact of life. All I can do is be who I am.