Exit 19. It feels good to be friends again.

The other day, I hung out with my friend Mimosa.  It was really good catching up with her.  She has just recently moved back to the area, we’ve both been through some big changes lately, and it was good getting to sit down and talk about everything–

Wait, you’re probably thinking if you’re a regular reader of this blog.  Did you say “Mimosa?”

Oh… When I want to write here about specific individuals in my life without naming names, I use names of stars, planets, and other astronomical bodies as pseudonyms.  Mimosa is a star in the constellation Crux (the Southern Cross).  This isn’t about the alcoholic drink, or the flower.  I have my reasons for how I match up each person to a pseudonym, and I don’t normally share, but I’ll say that my choice of pseudonym for her has nothing to do with the drink–

Stop.  You’re rambling off topic again.  I know all that.  I’m a regular reader, remember?  You’ve explained the pseudonyms before.  But you can’t call your friend Mimosa.

Why not?

You’ve already used the name Mimosa for someone else.  Mimosa was that girl who you had the brief fling with four years ago, who led you on and then said it was nothing serious, and you were really hurt by that, remember?

Yeah, I know.  Same girl.  That’s who I hung out with the other day.

A week or two after I last mentioned Mimosa on this blog, I saw something on Facebook that suggested that she had moved back to the area, and I also noticed that she mentioned that she was going dancing at one of the same places I go dancing.  She hadn’t been there in a long time.  So I asked her if she was back; she was, but it wasn’t really a good time to talk about everything that was going on.  Dancing wasn’t a good time for it either, because I didn’t want to take away from her dancing time, and that’s the kind of conversation that’s better when you don’t have 200 people and loud music in the same room.  But we said we’d get together and catch up sometime soon.

Then I got hit with a big chunk of work and adult responsibilities, and the actual catching up didn’t happen until about a month later, which was a few days ago.  We mostly just talked for a couple hours, and she used me as a guinea pig for something she had baked, a recipe that was new to her.  (It was very good.)  It’s not my place here to share the details of what we talked about, or what brought her back to the area in the first place.  I’m not writing this to gossip about my friends.  But I will say that we had a very nice time talking about a lot of things.

Like I said previously, when I was speculating on how life would have been different had I not gone to the party in 2010 where I met Mimosa, I know she never meant to hurt me.  What happened was the product of both of us making reckless emotional decisions.  I also said that, had I not been to that party, there was a possibility we would have met anyway, through dancing.  And I wish it had happened that way, because by meeting under circumstances that didn’t lead to a fling, I think we would have gradually become good friends without any of the fling-related awkwardness.  That’s exactly the approach I’ve been taking in the last month since we’ve been in touch again.  Now that she’s back in the area, I feel like I’m ready to put the reckless miscommunications of 2010, and everything that happened after that, in the past so we can be the good friends we could have been, had we met under different circumstances.  And after I hung out with her earlier this week, I’m confident that it’s going to work out like that.  It feels good to be friends again.

Forgiveness and moving on and the like aren’t always easy for me.  They aren’t easy for a lot of people, for that matter.  And there’s a lot to be said for cutting toxic people out of one’s life.  Sometimes it takes me a long time to get over being hurt, and as I work through whatever pain I have felt, sometimes I realize that I am better off distancing myself from the ones who caused the pain.  It doesn’t mean I have to keep carrying around that bitterness with me, and letting go of that bitterness is hard, but sometimes the best course of action is to cut off contact with someone.  If someone has a continuous pattern of being hurtful or putting me in unhealthy situations, I’m better off without them.  Mimosa isn’t one of those people.  Remember, after everything happened in 2010, we were still friends for a year before life and circumstances and my changing status with her friend (euphemism of the year, I know) reduced us just to brief Facebook conversations a couple times a year.

In the days between making concrete plans to hang out with Mimosa and actually doing it, I was a little nervous, partially because I hadn’t seen her in so long, and partially because I was really hoping I wasn’t just 2611ing my way back into a hurtful situation.  And some of my friends who were around in 2010, especially those who don’t know Mimosa personally but remember how hurt I was, might be a little concerned for me, letting someone who did that to me back in my life.  I know I made the right decision.  I hope that if/when my friends meet her, they’ll be nice and not hold all that against her.  Time heals.

A few weeks ago, I said that something I had written recently might have an update or another chapter to it soon.  This is that next chapter, and as I hinted at previously, Darius Rucker was right.  Everything that didn’t work out in life led to this.  And experiences like this bring growth and add to life.  We all have bruises, and bruises make better conversation.  And I’m going to stop typing now before this entire blog becomes me quoting song lyrics.  The whole point here is not to dwell on the past, so I’m not going to keep going on about it.  That’s all I have to say about that.

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